Erika Csomor's Blog

or

Tour de Sutton

Acknowledgments

The story is pure fantasy, any resemblance with real characters is coincidental and the author takes no responsibility or any extra tube-work in the pool….

Ok, ok, it is about US, and for the piquant change we play on the dark side this time. Why the dark is bad anyway?! The light get its meaning only by darkness, as the day is not exist without night….(Quoting from my vampire book)

BOOK I.

Once upon a time, in the Middle-Earth, the dark and mysterious magus, Sauron, (the Lord of the rings- he has some rings, but he is pursuing one more, the ONE, the most powerful, the magic one, with an M- DOT on it) leaded his little army into battle himself. An army of captured hobbits, ambitious men, compensating dwarfs, desperated elves and fallen angels…

In every age the soldiers went to fight on their horses…so our army went on his bikes.

By the GPS the shortest way was about 400 km. Luckily, the Lord knew the short cut….what only did not include the Mt. Blanc, because no one packed ice -axe in, not even the dwarfs…

So we went: up and down, up and down, while the EYE was following us in the captured elf car, carrying every essential for battle, except water of course…

Finally, we arrived to face the finest selection of the French army.

Day before the race we demonstrated some pool session for impressing the frenzies…

The battle started right in the morning. Some spy spotted out our monster, the Wongstar and with his car he hit out her softest spot: her horse, Khan…but you can not discourage her easy, she still did the swim and doubled the run course….Now she is moving around on fixed gear….ouch…

The next victim was Many, one of our many hobbits, he broke his big toe on the rock exiting the water. Well, you have to know, hobbits have one sensitive point: their toes…..

In these modern ages, due to some gene doping and wearing shoes, hobbits lost their hair on their feet but they still have a second toe overreaching their big toe….you can recognize them by their purple or no nail. Avia developed a shoes special for hobbits, ask them for shipping…

You can also recognize hobbits by the way they are wearing aero helmets to hide and press down their large and pointy ears,…if you are a hobbit or a suspected descendant, you MUST get one, but I guess you have one already

Ordinary hobbits must need some disc also as a compensation for their size. Good for jarring and looks cool…we do not have ordinary hobbits…

Well, I was swimming all alone between two groups, like almost everywhere in this season.

It seems to me: no one else swim like Mademoiselle Coco,….she is unique, no one can match her speed J

I passed our two lady hobbits, LC and Maki Hari, cheering Maki with my all Japanese vocabulary, like: kamikaze, hara-kiri, ninja….she used to make a bow for everything told to her , not now, because her front tire would rub her forehead…

Then I passed the Bekinator having chicken legs- she suffered from food poisoning.

Well, previous evening the Bad Spirit managed to convince her that the pre-(half) cooked chicken is all right….While Bek, who grew up on kangaroo meat, went down with some bug on the race day, the Spirit tossed her chicken beneath the table, complained some stomach ache, then smashed the field….Well done, Spirit….

I picked up the second placed Mademoiselle Jeanne D’Arc, the new hope of the French triathlon. Of course, she is running under a different name in this life, you can understand that, something really frenchy like “Cologne”…but I recognized her: her fire and eyes….

On the front, the Spirit pushed down the hammer, (yep, she is a dwarf…), her lead went more then 10 minutes at some point, luckily I can only count in French up till ten….

Then the French pulled out their lethal weapon, a hobbit who came from gymnastic and weighted no more than 40 kgs, including her bike with bottles and gels…

Suddenly a big pack formed by media cars, supporters, age groupers…I nestled in like a baby cuckoo…enjoying their warmth and draft and any occasion when I could use my massive weight advantage, I attacked, forcing the little hobbit to chase me down. Call me mean Coco….no, I was a pilgrim on Holiday, and we call this tactic. But the group dropped me all the time on the technical descendents, “oh, mon Dieu!” she did not even bend her hobbit bike into the corner, plus she was so ground level….

But I broke her finally. On the last, famous 13 km climbing she got 10 minutes. She must pulled her hobbit bike on string…. J

I shaved down some minutes from the Spirit on the climb too….who mind the ugly yellow jersey if you could win the nice polka dotty one…. J

However I found myself in second place and by the plan I was a “brick”-(running only a single loop on the run course)…I felt no giving up my podium. I kept going, slowly, but steady. I left the Spirit on the front ;-), then I was passed by Jeanne d’Arc. Suddenly I saw the Bekinator bouncing back (after getting rid of the chicken legs).

Well, I am vain.

Anyone can pass me, I do not mind… EXCEPTIONS: any family member (brother, sister), neighbors, best friends, country mate, team mate, training buddy…well, Bek fulfilled at least 3 of the criterions, so I had to pick it up a bit to secure MY podium from her…..because IT IS MINE, MY PRECIOUSSSSSS…..

I am on Holiday. Yeah, back in camp, but on a different program.

For some time now I have injured myself- both mentally and physically- the boss recommended a rehab program: “Do whatever will make you feel good, enjoy your stay here, have fun, re-establish your yin-yang balance…”

B.S. as a zen master?! It must be the Wongstar influence….

Yes, I became too yang by trying too hard. I should have to work on my yin, the feminine side: being more soft, caring, creative (writing blogs…) and acceptable, instead of fighting, competing, controlling everything.

Hmm this program gonna be fun….

Next day the boss ordered me to go out cycling with the boys! I got so mad with him, how could he send me out with two yang when I have just started to work on my yin side…?!

Well, the boss is always right. Plus zen masters know better J

Our two best boys were riding very slowly, no competing, and chatting more than the girls (riding with Bella for example, we do not talk a single world on the whole way….guess why?)

I felt it is a unique opportunity to peep into the souls of some alpha males….(ok, I guess Stephen is more beta) I have never really figured out, what is INSIDE?

So I kept riding close to them and pointing my ears hard. No, I did not attack them today (but I did feel some urging yang ) I played Contador, he is my favorite rider, because he is the cutest…(Oh well, he is also riding quite well, yep: winning is sexy!) and no need to make more time on them, only to keep up J

So I was eaves dropping, quite difficult, because I also have broken English like Alberto, so I hardly even breathe in order to hear better…

So the number one topic was, guess what? The Tour of course….there were some smaller topics as well, but they only touched on them, clearly aware of my presence….but the most used word was “testosterone”

I guess it is all about testosterone for them…

For me a male’s soul is too simple to understand…

We played Tour.

Stephen had to be Wiggins….if he would not be married to Bella, I would think he is in love with this guy J (“Wiggins this, Wiggins that…”) All the British are peeing themselves for finally having a top rider in the overall…

James was Armstrong because they both have a thick neck plus they both own a huge fan club…

I was Contador of course…not attacking today.

The Tour has past, and the rain has already washed down the chalk graffiti from our training venues, but there are always some naughty ones who used permanent paint, so we still have some entertaining reading while climbing the mountains.

It goes like this:

FABIAN

FABIAN

FABI

HEART, HEART (I understand this, only wondering how the two sexiest guys in the peloton could also be the two best time trialists?)

Then there are some:

ANDY

FRANK (that is one tough family)

Then:

PANTANI (???) (very permanent paint?)

Then my favorite:

LANCE

GO

(Completed with different paint, probably by French hands)

HOME!

Although I am a true Contador fan, all my respect goes to Armstrong as well.

He re-animated the Tour, like he did with the circus’s elephant in his famous sponsor’s adds: breathed a new life into it!

Tomorrow the Tour is finished. Lance, you can go home! Mission accomplished!

Et oui, MERCI BIEN!

Comrades!

We live dangerous times!

We are surrounded by spies!

Yesterday we got guests in our morning swim session, man and woman in black. The agents of WADA. They picked up our 2 top guns, Lucie and Lisbeth. Of course they wanted the bests. I felt a bit revolted, they did not want me…or maybe they opened their notebook at letter of “L”?

Then randomly (by choosing cards) picked two more, the lucky hands were our two steroid bombs: the 150cm philippina LC, (who is still adopting for the time difference, altitude, the freezing 20 degrees, plus the overwhelming cow shed smell), and Scottie our smallest guy (with the biggest heart) who is preparing for his very first IM. Again…

Believe me, they were the lucky ones, the Chosen Ones who could leave the pool for a certain time. I wished I would be one of them….

Few hours later, in the pouring rain we smashed our legs ( I mean we ran like mad- the order was running like if we would compete on the Cross-Country Worlds). We thought the rain and the mist would hide our effort on the big loop where the boss could not follow…

Then I saw our toilet and shower cleaner of the swimming pool, the smoking guy in the forest ,tried to hide under the umbrella and pretending he is doing a health and life style walking….but when incredulously I looked back at him, I saw him checking his watch….and there was something poking out in his pocket, I guess a walky-talky…

Then, again.

Comrades Bean, the Red Bean J, went into the pharmacies for a massage or pain relief cream for her legs. The shop keeper lady with pinky face and soft white hair (just like Miss Marple) refused to sell her any, saying: “you do not need it dear, keep training and you will get used to it…..” obviously a trained spy of the Boss.

Few years ago, the Boss made a research about the most useful car for this region. He chose, by reason, the most popular 4 wheels drive Citroen, in white color. Guess, why?

Every third people here drive this very same vehicle. Can you imagine how stressed out we are already from every freaking white Citroen?!

Comrades, it is time to acting up!

We welcome some donation for a secret electronic signal maker to place under the car’s frame. I guess we are not allowed to put a blue light on the top?

Well, I sent my entry to Roth to the World Championships of Fire Fighters…

IF YOU THINK, that I lost my brain- well, you are right.

The computer accepted my application form, but it caught the eyes of the organizers, wow, we have a very fast Fire Fighter lady with a PB of 8:47….they asked me again, Erika, are you sure?

IF YOU THINK, that I lost my confidence and gave up my pro status and signed up to be fire fighter- well, you are ALMOST right…

Before the fire fighters would shit their pants, sorry…their skirt, we fixed the application form and I am officially in the elite field!

Well, I overlooked the application form…who ever look at the head line….?!

But this story is only the top of the ice-mountain….

It started some when 2 days after Valentine day, at 10 p.m. in the Philippines-when a certain some one said:

“Let’s jump into the pool”-but it was empty….

When a smart lady like me, lost her head- (cherche le jaune homme) look for a guy!

Since that pool session, I making mistake after mistake and while I am cleaning up the mess, I make two more. Like a chain reaction….but every chain has an end.

Let’s wait for HAPPY END!

By Grumpy

Men:

Massimo Cigana (ITA) :15-1

Last year winner Cigana proved no other significant race results last year.

This year he will face extra challenges. Can he repeat his win again? I do not think so-

in my agenda he has no chance anymore (with me) … L

Chris McCormack (AUS) : 3-1

1 times Hawaii winner, all around athlete. Can he climb well with his all round shape?

Did he find time and energy between traveling and competing races all around the globe this season?

Expect him playing the game and go for it!

Marino Vanhoenacker (BEL) : 2-1

The tall Belgian would be the hardest competition for our Stephen Bayliss, in the skinniest legs category.

Do not be deceived by the fragile sticks, the former duathlete learnt to swim and brought his killer bike and run leg into the world of long distance triathlons. Can he take on Macca? I hope so.

He is my favorite to win.

Jozsef Major (HUN) : 9-1

The best Hungarian this year improved his weaknesses, both on swim and bike. Expect him have a bath-giving some advantage for the big guns- then chasing down the filed. His small frame could be a weapon in this hilly course.

Joe, make Hungary proud!

James Cunnama (RSA): 12-1

With similar strengths like Major -against their opposite body built- with a great courage, he can run his way up into top 5. No pressure on you boy, but if you do not make it, you will ride till Lesyin….I could bring the luggage…

Rip it James!

Females:

Gina Ferguson (NZL): 4-1

This girl has a multi talent. While she is “all round” triathlete with no weaknesses, she also has brain between her ears: a pro violin player, ex match teacher!

Expect her making a duo with Lucie Zelenkova on the bike and go for it on the run.

Watch out girls- this lady won her last 3 iron distance races- she will play your tunes J

Lucie Zelenkova (CZE): 4-1

Our “Big Smile” Lucie moved to South Africa to train among lions. A cat lover.

Her win at South-Africa 70.3 and IM with course record is deceiving….achieved in home-courses, she is suspected knowing the shorter way

Expect her swimming away from fellow girls on the feet of the guys, then leading the field on the bike. Since she put on the pink suit she developed an annoying habit : after her killer swim-bike combo she tends to forget herself in the front and take it home….

Tamara Kozulina (UKR): 6-1

Another blond eastern block girl.

After winning Strongman in Japan she is back in Europe and action. Let’s hope she still suffering from jet lag

Sandra Wallenhorst (GER) : 4-1

Last year’s biggest surprise is a Mom of 2 years old boy!

After finishing 3^rd in St.Polten (the Van Vlerken-Csomor duo let her break away on the bike not knowing who is this girl, then they regret it) she won Klagenfurt with world’s third fastest iron distance time. (The second belong to Csomor, the difference is only 20 seconds. Well known fact that Klagenfurt course is “faster” then Roth course)

On Hawaii with a blistering running she finished 3^rd.

Expect her making a chasing duo with Csomor on the bike, better to hurry up girls: only the wines getting better with age

Erika Csomor (HUN): 5-1

Winner of this race in 2007 (with a 1:18 half marathon), second in 2008 to the fastest iron distance lady, she is only missing the bronze from the collection. She does not want to collect it…

She started her season with plenty of bad lucks.

Finally she recovered from her swine flu, released her bike from the intensive care (now it is bomb proof) so no more excuses Miss Coco, it is time to show something…

Expect her leaving the water wet and chasing hard the leaders with Sandra in her wing.

There is no fairy tale, the fastest runner will win.

Certainly, she is MY favorite…. J

My problems started when someone in my hometown established a private zoo park, with lions. (kind of “please, no visitors, but we accept donations” type)

So far my Mom had the biggest “zoo park” on the other side of the town, but she was only sporting homeless animals.

Once, the colleague came to her with a “win-win” business offer regarding the animals’ feeding problem. We can take this day as the beginning of the cold war.

My problems continued, when last Sunday I visited my Mom and popped the question:

-What would you like to have for Mother’s day?

(Here I grabbed the chair under me- usually these kind of questions tend to run into drama. For example, last Xmas, my Mom’s wish was a horse for her. While she poured alligator tears, she described how a mean and heartless gipsy horse mafia captured and tortured this poor beast. I did not need much, I was ready to buy that horse for her. So I asked how much is it? She said it is NOT THE PRICE….but the owners did not want to sell it…..)

-Tiger. White one, if possible….

(Aha. The concurrency has lion, so she wants tiger. I did not think it would be a good idea anyway, as my Mom is devoted fan of cage-free animal keeping)

-Where the hell from could I get one for you????!!!!

(Luckily I was holding myself to the chair)

-From the Philippines! –came the triumphant answer (with all her little heart’s bitterness, leaving her all alone while I was having fun in the jungle)

-Mom, there are no tigers in the Philippines….( at least I did not see any )

-No? Then what they have?

(NO, she can not want any of THOSE monkeys!!!)

-Water buffalos!

(for my biggest dismay I saw her face shining up)

-How much are THEY cost?

(I just knew the answer. Not a long time ago, Jonnyo asked the same from Arnel in the van going to the airport. We called those beasts “Wabballos”)

-It is about same, like a pinoy motorbike would cost….

-But how much a pinoy motorbike?

(she is just like her dogs- if she grabbed it, she will not let it go…)

-Well it is about one quarter of the prize of my brand new Cervelo P3……

(she forgot her mouth open)

We dropped the question, but I noticed her stealing amorous glances at my bike from the corner of her eyes, secretly she even caressed it…..

She is so transparent. I just know, she is turning an idea in her little silly head….

It is still not too late to save your bike, grab a tiger and visit your Mom, any Sunday will do it…..

May 7^th:

E.C. 35 year old professional triathlete landed on Dusseldorf (Germany) airport after visiting the US.

She failed to hand over her “health care questionnaire” formula demanded by the German Health Department. She tried sneaking through on the wall of white clothed and masked doctor’s team blocking the aero plane’s exit door.

After Dr.Helga Shuffelnagen (48 years old, divorced) caught her by collar, she filled up the form by copying data’s -as flight number and passport numbers- from fellow passengers’ form already collected on Dr.H.S. write- board.

E.C. got a transfer to Budapest with Dr. H.S’s pen in her pocket.

On Budapest airport she walked through the body- temperature scanners installed by the Hungarian Epidemic Center with success. In the next days she received hugs and welcome home kisses from relatives and friends. E.C is still visiting friends.

May 2^nd:

E.C. competed a triathlon (it is a sport event including swimming, biking and running without break) named AVIA-Wildflower. On the podium she received congratulation kisses and hugs from fellow athletes from Spain, UK, US, Canada.

Leaving the event she delivered good bye kisses and hugs for fellow team mates from US, Canada, Brazil.

19:00 April 22^nd,:

E.C. staying in New Mexico visited a Mexican restaurant located 15 kms from the Mexican border. After she consumed a pork taco, she gave the Mexican originated chef a hand shake.

18:00 April 22^nd:

Juan Alvarez, 53 years old chef sneezed.

10:00 April 22^nd:

J.A. receipted of fresh pork meat (duty free) from cousin Manual Cortez 38 years old Mexican farm worker.

1970s :

E.C. underage grew up on an animal farm. She installed a primitive animal hospital where she was nursing (in easier cases she even operated the patients- heavier cases moved to animal’s heaven voluntary) the sick animals of the farm. (mostly cat, dogs ,mice, poultry and pigs- size is matter)

By the report of the family’s doctor she got through every possibly animal disease. However she developed 100% immunity for them she is considered as a “carrier”.

FBI’s report

May 7^th:

E.C. 35 year old professional triathlete landed on Dusseldorf (Germany) airport after visiting the US. She failed to hand over her “health care questionnaire” formula demanded by the German Health Department. She tried sneaking through on the wall of white clothed and masked doctor’s team blocking the aero plane’s exit door.

After Dr.Helga Shuffelnagen (48 years old, divorced) caught her by collar, she filled up the form by copying data’s -as flight number and passport numbers- from fellow passengers’ form already collected on Dr.H.S. write- board.

E.C. got a transfer to Budapest with Dr. H.S’s pen in her pocket.

On Budapest airport she walked through the body- temperature scanners installed by the Hungarian Epidemic Center with success. In the next days she received hugs and welcome home kisses from relatives and friends. E.C is still visiting friends.

May 2^nd:

E.C. competed a triathlon (it is a sport event including swimming, biking and running without break) named AVIA-Wildflower. On the podium she received congratulation kisses and hugs from fellow athletes from Spain, UK, US, Canada.

Leaving the event she delivered good bye kisses and hugs for fellow team mates from US, Canada, Brazil.

19:00 April 22^nd,:

E.C. staying in New Mexico visited a Mexican restaurant located 15 kms from the Mexican border. After she consumed a pork taco, she gave the Mexican originated chef a hand shake.

18:00 April 22^nd:

Juan Alvarez, 53 years old chef sneezed.

10:00 April 22^nd:

J.A. receipted of fresh pork meat (duty free) from cousin Manual Cortez 38 years old Mexican farm worker.

1970s :

E.C. underage grew up on an animal farm. She installed a primitive animal hospital where she was nursing (in easier cases she even operated the patients- heavier cases moved to animal’s heaven voluntary) the sick animals of the farm. (mostly cat, dogs ,mice, poultry and pigs- size is matter)

By the report of the family’s doctor she got through every possibly animal disease. However she developed 100% immunity for them she is considered as a “carrier”.

So we broke up finally.

When it started it was so exciting…like two aliens of different planets meet. Plenty of secrets to discover or hide….the time was flying by… just to realize later it was a little mismatching.

He loves yellow cheese, me the white one. He loves the pizza thick, me thin. He prefer rice, me pasta. He is an early guy, me an owl. Movies?! He has taste for silly movies, I go for something interesting.

For him it is a lake what is a swimming pool for me.

He is a “wannabe” guy. Me? Certainly a serious one.

Oh, and those freaking motorbikes. Always the motorbikes…

Well, time went by, it is a time for separation. A big ocean between us.

We both have unfinished businesses: for me on the old continent, for him on the new one.

It was fun with you, I will miss you Brad…..

Excuse me for another story from Miss Coco’s childhood, who was not Miss Coco that time, yet.

We made a sweet picture on the Sunday afternoon promenade: me the half naked girl ( summer -time I refused to wear any top or shoes-no orthotics required so far) take her little brother for a walkabout in the baby carriage. The baby had, of course, proper outfit; a white baby-grow, summer hat and even a sun-umbrella.

Almost everyone stopped to admire the little one, only to look at him and screaming with horror. It was Ball, my puppy dog (never had any bro or sis), a cute Hungarian shepherd dog (named Puli) with long black hair…

He got named Ball not because his skill with balls, but….well, no, he had no any eating disorder. Not fat, let’s say he was “round”.

He did not really mind our show up-only made some disapproval look when I put him on the diapers- as far as him tummy was full.

He was my baby.

Many years later, I was already big girl and went for a training run of 10 miles on a Sunday afternoon. He wanted to come for sure.

I knew he was not in top shape, his only trainings were chasing the cats and the postman. But he really, really wanted to come and I thought: “well, I can give him a chance and a day off for the post man”

So we went. He started out too fast, of course. On the single file trail he ran right front of me shaking his ass. I told him to be reasonable and ordered him back, but he kept passing me only to trip me up. About half way he did not come back anymore. I looked back and saw him jogging and stumbling on his own tongue…it was hot and he got sun stroke within his long black coat.

I dragged him down to the small river, made him drink and pushed him in.

It was a slow home run. We stopped at every while and he laid down in my shade, we arrived home carrying him in my arms.

I would like to say we both learn from the lesson but….he still refused to let me shave him, still emptied his plate, he was training only by chasing the cats and postmen.

Well, he stayed a true age-grouper. It was all right, not every dog should have to be like a greyhound.

I learnt the lessons: always hydrate well, no black coat required, no taking out unfit mates for training.

Ball lived happily ever after, like 16 years long, but I still feeling guilty: I was the Master (Mattress) I should have to know it better…

I am on my road to Kona.

The first station was IM 70.3 triathlon California.

My battle started before the race with some nasty viruses sweeping through California. (This was the prize for that stolen kiss from Brad?!)

I wanted to pull myself together for the race day, so I went for any traditional remediation.

Hungarians are using “palinka” (it is a strong spirit) for almost everything, to kill the viruses.

After the short “shots”, I drank the hot lemon tea with vitamins. Then- as I figured out -for sore and inflammated throat some icing would be great. With great suffer I pushed down some Rocky Road ice creams as well….

On the race morning-despite the controversy remediation- I felt ok, but not ready to emerge into the cold water.

My start was kind of “getwetforhalfanhourandheadoutsoakedwetinthechillymorningwindonthebike”…

On the first 10 minutes of the bike I felt already natural remediation will not help me out after the race. On the first climb I dried up, then I was listening to the wind whistle in my ears…after few minutes I realized it is not the speed but my lungs. My legs had some memories from last year how to tear up those hills, only this time my chasing was not successful: this time, they did not wait for me… L I was tracking 7 strong girls- riding in groups- alone, keeping the 4 minutes that I got in the swim. Actually I was racing all the way alone in no man’s land. Same with the run: I had good legs only not getting closer to the leaders. Luckily I picked up some victims. Usually I could do the math: Take your position after T2, divide by two, and voila: you get your finisher position….So I ended up being 4^th, 3 and half minutes from the winner Mirinda Carfrae. Not that bad, but good for nothing….

This year, like every year after the Olympics, is seeing a great invasion: hordes of talented and speedy ITU athletes are shifting for the longer distances. We, the old ones are supposed to show the exit door for them, but some pushy ones still made the entry…L

There was a hell of “after party” : million devils lit a fire in my body. This time I went for the antibiotics, only kept the Rocky Road as a side medication with no side effect so far…

2009 is my Rocky Road to Kona. I hit on 19…